false alarm. still invincible.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
