did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
