So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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