needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Randomize
