its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
