I am puke
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
