I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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