He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Dear god my vagina.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
