i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
