Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
