i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
