You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
