everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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