Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
