did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
