Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
My bed smells like the plague
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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