You're earring is so big in my mouth
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I want to fling myself into the sun
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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