Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
