I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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