please come you make the beer taste better
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
