So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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