Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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