this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
