he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
