By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
