so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
