I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
