the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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