Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
MIDGETS
????
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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