i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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