Me. At least after what I've been through.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Randomize
