listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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