so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
