all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Randomize
