his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
two words: eviction party
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
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