Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
