I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
