lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
