I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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