Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
should my penis look like a turkey
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
