we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Randomize
