She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
