It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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