My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Randomize
