Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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