Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
