I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
