so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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