I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
