At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
