so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
