I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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