You're completely useless in the revolution.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Randomize
