we're chasing vodka with high fives
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
