I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I think a kid would responsible me up
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
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