Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
