There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
