whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
