Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
