omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
