i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
