In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I'm too high and old for this...
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