just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize