Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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