You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
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