so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
We're using joints as your birthday candles
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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