FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
she smelled like a LAN party
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
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