just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
