I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
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