WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
