and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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