should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
