Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
