At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Randomize
