Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
How does one acquire holy water?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
