I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
