At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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