"it" just moved
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
that's an acceptable place to lick
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
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