Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
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