I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
