i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Randomize
