Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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