evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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