I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
How does one acquire holy water?
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
