I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
