I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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