I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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