We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
