And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
