I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
