she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
