i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
