Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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