She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
You are the jesus of drinking
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
