I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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