So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
