Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
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