i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Randomize
