you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I want to fling myself into the sun
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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