weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
this boner is exhausting
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
