Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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