its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
