Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
