benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
