Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
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