Who did Billy Mays play for?
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
