Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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