Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
