i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
