It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Randomize
