i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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