Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
